Awakenings

Uncountable heart strings, tying us to each other, to the earth and the universe. We are as intertwined as a raindrop in the ocean. Be good to each other, we are all connected in love.

Love to all,
-Deb

Last night I lived in the dreamworld.

I opened my eyes and found myself on a couch. My head and back were resting on the arm of the couch and my feet were resting in the center. On the other side was a man, similarly positioned. I recognized him immediately as my other half and the home as my home in the dreamworld. I have seen him many times, but only while dreaming and once during a past life regression, but I have felt his presence my whole life.

I knew immediately that I was dreaming and began to anchor myself to ensure that the dream remained lucid. He seemed drowsy and I realized he believed he was dreaming.

I called to him and tried to let him know I was really there, but he responded as a dreaming person would. He finally saw and reached to hold me, slowly, lethargically and only with great focus. Again I tried to bring him to lucidity and this time he did. He blinked his eyes several times and became aware. He started crying and told me that he thought I had died. I started crying and told him I wanted to stay in the dreamworld, it was where I belonged, that it was my true world, I had missed him so much. We held each other and talked and loved.

Later in the day he said he knew someone that could help and he took my hand and we went to an old woman’s house. She invited us into her living room and said that she could help us, she could keep me in that reality. Even though it was difficult, she knew how and had done it several times. She said that all she needed was a conduit, another person from that plane to hold my spirit while she transitioned me over.

She called a young woman in from another room and asked her to lie on the floor. There was a device under a glass dome that had a silver handle extending from it. She handed that silver handle to the woman who would be the conduit and told me to lie down on the floor next to her. She said I needed to be still, keep my body from moving around so that my full spirit could easily find my new body. I heard her turn the device on, some electrical crackling and smelled burning and then I heard someone say, “It is shorting out!” and I immediately was fully awake in my bed here.

Today I am a little disoriented and missing my dreamworld.

A friend brought a very insightful question to mind… and after several days of meditation on it, I had clearly defined the meaning in my head, but still didn’t have the words to verbalize. This morning, I pulled a single Osho card as my meditation for the day, and found it so clearly described what I felt that I included it below.

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Receptivity
Listening is one of the basic secrets of entering into the temple of God. Listening means passivity. Listening means forgetting yourself completely – only then can you listen.

When you listen attentively to somebody, you forget yourself. If you cannot forget yourself, you never listen.

When you listen, you become just a passage, a passivity, a receptivity, a womb: you become feminine. And to arrive one has to become feminine. You cannot reach God as aggressive invaders or conquerors. You can reach God only…or it will be better to say God can reach you only when you are receptive, a feminine receptivity. When you become yin, a receptivity, the door is open – and you wait. Listening is the art for becoming passive.

Receptivity represents the feminine, receptive quality of water and of the emotions. Her arms are extended upwards to receive, and she is completely immersed in the water. She has no head, no busy and aggressive mind to hinder her pure receptivity. And as she is filled she is continuously emptying herself, overflowing, and receiving more. The lotus pattern or matrix that emerges from her represents the perfect harmony of the universe that becomes apparent when we are in tune with it.

The Queen of Water brings a time of unboundedness and gratitude for whatever life brings, without any expectations or demands. Neither duty or thought of merit or reward are important. Sensitivity, intuition and compassion are the qualities that shine forth now, dissolving all the obstacles that keep us separate from each other and from the whole.

The company of friends, sunshine, toes and spirits in the warm grass.

I lazily stretch and am lured again from my shell by the sound of soft voices.

Ice cream and laughter in the evening, I am grateful.

Don’t be afraid of beginnings or endings…

we can love.

Don’t be afraid of change…

in the space of a breath,

we could become strangers and still…

we can choose compassion.

We are individuals… affecting the whole.  We can choose to live in beauty .

Within our ability is the answer… fearless love.

Last night I participated in a New Moon ceremony. A clearing of mind, heart and soul and a stated intention for the coming month.
The clearing part was a little harder than normal, as much has been happening in my life lately. Nothing major, just a continuous series of events that have encouraged me to evaluate and re-evaluate some of my beliefs about boundaries.

I would really like to be able to have the people in my life self-monitor their actions, but it seems no matter how hard I want that to happen, it is not a realistic point of view. I choose to get out of the way of self-imploding people when I can, but when I am in a confined space, I struggle with having empathy for the fallibility of the human condition and not allowing myself to become a target.

It seems that if we could really be responsible for our own attitudes and energy we would not need to put up mental walls and fences. The view would be so much nicer! But as it is, I am practicing my spiritual Aikido on a daily basis and deflecting the sloppy stuff directed toward me. I find it to be a centering exercise for me, while very curiously observing that once the other person has had their energy/attitude/intention redirected from me, their own behavior and attitude continues to propel them.

My stated intentions and deepest personal desires continue to be consistent, but perhaps stating them clearly will help them fully manifest.

To be seen for who I really am
To be recognized by those who need to see me
To be of service
To accept the life lessons given to me with grace and humility.

Love to all,
-Deb

Last night I dreamed about awareness. How ironic is that? Obviously, these are questions I have been struggling with.

Here are the insights I came away with.

Grogginess – Some people have woken up, but are not yet fully aware.  I was shown the image of waking my son up when he was a child to use the bathroom in the middle of the night.  He would wake up, but often he would not make sense when you asked a question and he would need to be propelled into the bathroom. Somewhere between consciousness and sleeping, but not really fully part of either.

Crankiness – I think crankiness is a symptom of self-importance. When a person allows themselves to push their negative feelings onto the people around them, it does several things. 1. It makes that person the center of attention. 2. It causes a ripple of spiritual and physical reactions to everyone exposed. 3. It is a very real block held within the core of the being.

Alertness – A consistent epiphany of insight coming from a source outside and part of oneself.

I have always held my spirituality very close and quiet. Not something I felt ashamed of, but liberated by. A place filled with truth, acceptance and God. Discovered with the eyes  and open heart of childhood, self awareness has woven through my life from my earliest memories. Such a wonderful gift was given to me that even as a child I wanted to keep it pure and unpolluted from the outside.   I have always studied, meditated, explored and dreamed  privately. Guided by instinct, curiosity and beloved mentors.

It has been my refuge, never failing to comfort and provide perspective. It shapes every interaction and gives grace to every person in my life.

I have been challenged by a dear friend to open up… to share and learn about spirituality by interacting with those who openly claim knowledge. I find that as I poke my head out of my spiritual turtle shell, I am lost. Like Rip VanWinkle, I feel out of place and time.

This is not yet my time, these are not yet my teachers. My head is silence and clarity, this is loud and harsh. I am worn.

The advice is good, valuable lessons learned, but for now, I will ponder them in my turtle shell and continue to listen for the voice singing soft and low.

Love to all,

-Deb

A couple of nights ago, I dreamed that I saw God.  Not Michelangelo’s  Sistine Chapel version of god, but my own very personal version.

I dreamed that I was following some internal pull, like a salmon returning to its spawning ground, directing me to a barren mountainside somewhere in Hawaii. As I approached the place where I knew I was supposed to be, I could feel the sacredness of the location and the event that I was being drawn to witness.

I looked around and saw that other people were around me, all following the same pull.  It was the quest for divinity that drew us all to the same place, each humbly and honestly seeking the source of the emanation.

I looked to my right and a little down the mountain and a person caught my eye… one moment it was a man, and then it was a woman and back again… He/She reached across it’s body and tore the middle open, showing that all that I assumed to be real,  had been flat like a stage background and the hole torn open was now a peek into what was beyond.  Everything else looked the same, clouds floating, his/her feet and legs still normal, shoulders and the head continued to look at me. But its middle was now my answer.

Vibrant colors twisting, pulsing… I saw the shape of an arm pass by the hole, part of the miasma, yet apart at the same time.  In that moment of honoring the existence of another human, I witnessed what I had been brought there to see,  for me, it was my perception of the true nature of God.

God is in everything and everyone. We can be deceived temporarily by the facade of life, we can interact with the flat illusion, or we can reach deeper.

I chose to see and honor the divinity distributed equally among all things, rock, plant, animal, human, all wondrously and divinely made.  Each of us believing that we are the center of the universe, because… in truth, we contain it.

Love to all,

–Deb

When we close our minds to possibilities, the only things remaining are what we have always known.