Awakenings

Last night I participated in a New Moon ceremony. A clearing of mind, heart and soul and a stated intention for the coming month.
The clearing part was a little harder than normal, as much has been happening in my life lately. Nothing major, just a continuous series of events that have encouraged me to evaluate and re-evaluate some of my beliefs about boundaries.

I would really like to be able to have the people in my life self-monitor their actions, but it seems no matter how hard I want that to happen, it is not a realistic point of view. I choose to get out of the way of self-imploding people when I can, but when I am in a confined space, I struggle with having empathy for the fallibility of the human condition and not allowing myself to become a target.

It seems that if we could really be responsible for our own attitudes and energy we would not need to put up mental walls and fences. The view would be so much nicer! But as it is, I am practicing my spiritual Aikido on a daily basis and deflecting the sloppy stuff directed toward me. I find it to be a centering exercise for me, while very curiously observing that once the other person has had their energy/attitude/intention redirected from me, their own behavior and attitude continues to propel them.

My stated intentions and deepest personal desires continue to be consistent, but perhaps stating them clearly will help them fully manifest.

To be seen for who I really am
To be recognized by those who need to see me
To be of service
To accept the life lessons given to me with grace and humility.

Love to all,
-Deb

Last night I dreamed about awareness. How ironic is that? Obviously, these are questions I have been struggling with.

Here are the insights I came away with.

Grogginess – Some people have woken up, but are not yet fully aware.  I was shown the image of waking my son up when he was a child to use the bathroom in the middle of the night.  He would wake up, but often he would not make sense when you asked a question and he would need to be propelled into the bathroom. Somewhere between consciousness and sleeping, but not really fully part of either.

Crankiness – I think crankiness is a symptom of self-importance. When a person allows themselves to push their negative feelings onto the people around them, it does several things. 1. It makes that person the center of attention. 2. It causes a ripple of spiritual and physical reactions to everyone exposed. 3. It is a very real block held within the core of the being.

Alertness – A consistent epiphany of insight coming from a source outside and part of oneself.

I have always held my spirituality very close and quiet. Not something I felt ashamed of, but liberated by. A place filled with truth, acceptance and God. Discovered with the eyes  and open heart of childhood, self awareness has woven through my life from my earliest memories. Such a wonderful gift was given to me that even as a child I wanted to keep it pure and unpolluted from the outside.   I have always studied, meditated, explored and dreamed  privately. Guided by instinct, curiosity and beloved mentors.

It has been my refuge, never failing to comfort and provide perspective. It shapes every interaction and gives grace to every person in my life.

I have been challenged by a dear friend to open up… to share and learn about spirituality by interacting with those who openly claim knowledge. I find that as I poke my head out of my spiritual turtle shell, I am lost. Like Rip VanWinkle, I feel out of place and time.

This is not yet my time, these are not yet my teachers. My head is silence and clarity, this is loud and harsh. I am worn.

The advice is good, valuable lessons learned, but for now, I will ponder them in my turtle shell and continue to listen for the voice singing soft and low.

Love to all,

-Deb

A couple of nights ago, I dreamed that I saw God.  Not Michelangelo’s  Sistine Chapel version of god, but my own very personal version.

I dreamed that I was following some internal pull, like a salmon returning to its spawning ground, directing me to a barren mountainside somewhere in Hawaii. As I approached the place where I knew I was supposed to be, I could feel the sacredness of the location and the event that I was being drawn to witness.

I looked around and saw that other people were around me, all following the same pull.  It was the quest for divinity that drew us all to the same place, each humbly and honestly seeking the source of the emanation.

I looked to my right and a little down the mountain and a person caught my eye… one moment it was a man, and then it was a woman and back again… He/She reached across it’s body and tore the middle open, showing that all that I assumed to be real,  had been flat like a stage background and the hole torn open was now a peek into what was beyond.  Everything else looked the same, clouds floating, his/her feet and legs still normal, shoulders and the head continued to look at me. But its middle was now my answer.

Vibrant colors twisting, pulsing… I saw the shape of an arm pass by the hole, part of the miasma, yet apart at the same time.  In that moment of honoring the existence of another human, I witnessed what I had been brought there to see,  for me, it was my perception of the true nature of God.

God is in everything and everyone. We can be deceived temporarily by the facade of life, we can interact with the flat illusion, or we can reach deeper.

I chose to see and honor the divinity distributed equally among all things, rock, plant, animal, human, all wondrously and divinely made.  Each of us believing that we are the center of the universe, because… in truth, we contain it.

Love to all,

–Deb

When we close our minds to possibilities, the only things remaining are what we have always known.

We choose to become overwhelmed by our circumstances or to rise above them.

In either case, free will is always involved.

The entire universe has worked together to bring us where we are right now.

What lesson in our lives should we see or learn that heaven and earth have moved all creation to give us awareness at this moment?

Love to all,

-Deb

The mysteries of the universe are not external, they are internal.  Seeking answers honestly, and earnestly from within, allows all to see ho’omana within all things.

open

calm presence

flowing

perception is reflection from within

feel

harmony

what is and will be

reality is the perception we choose

release

begins

renewed perception

What  if you were given a gift, the ability to see around ego, into the  true spirit-self, including your own?

You could be around anyone and see connections from this world and sometimes deeper spiritual connections too.

What if, most of the time, you were the only one with that knowledge? Like eavesdropping or observing someone from behind a two way mirror.

Would you take that gift?

What if the ego of people, (which I believe is worn like clothing and is cast off when we die) blocked their ability and willingness to allow the true spirit self to be actualized. Like trying to hug someone wearing many layers of jackets would dampen feeling and constrict movement. How do you get through all the layers to touch that awareness?

I guess my answer is to hug with really, really big intention.

In trying to awaken spirit in other people, I realize that I may be healing myself too. I am waiting and hoping to see conscious recognition reflected back.

Love to all,

-deb