I often meditate on dying… really dying. That moment when I realize that this really is it, that there is no stopping the process and I begin to even feel my mortal body slipping from me. That mental place of accepting the circumstance and the ultimate accountability of how I have lived my life, the way I have treated and interacted with people. Absolutely alone, no thoughts other than what I bring.
I imagine, that behavior habits would kick in at intense levels. If I was naturally fearful, perhaps I would be afraid, depressed = feeling unworthy, etc.. If I relied on a tool, like Dumbo’s magic feather (crystals, drugs, ceremonies, etc..) I would removed from my tools. In that moment of utter starkness, the only thing left would be me. Bare, exposed and without any recourse.
That moment, that mindset, is what I try to lovingly prepare myself for. I want to radiate love on such a scale that my exit and entrance will be eclipsed by the glow.
I have seen the other side, I nearly died when I was 16. The core of me was all that went through, no ego or experiences, just the very core. All the things that had been important, in a blink were rendered totally meaningless and forgotten. Only the very core remained – the watcher within. The watcher thrives on love, is made of love and is connected by love to the universe. When I die, I want love and compassion to be the last thoughts and feelings that I have. And, knowing the end will come, but not when, I choose to meditate on that moment and take full advantage my life. Life is an opportunity to explore, love, grow and practice compassionate care for oneself and for others. When my time comes, hopefully, I will have the strength and wisdom to tell myself “I am love”.
Love to all,
-Molly